Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

Archive for the tag “Rape”

Stalked to Stalker

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Since I was stalked by a stalker…

I memorize your face within a few moments of seeing you.
I recognize your cologne and whether it’s heavy, normal or faintly worn.
I observe you before I enter a surrounding to see what you’re doing.
I repeat your license plate number, color, type of car you drive.
I carry at least one weapon with me at all times.
I wear a baseball cap so I can pull it down low and blend in.
I read, watch and listen to experts talk about ways to escape an assault.
I analyze everything I hear you say to learn more about you.

Now it seems I’m the stalker   


Carisa Adrienne

This piece has been on my mind…. So I reposted it

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I Killed A Man

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You stalked me like a lion with precise steps, anticipating the kill. For me it was an innocent summer evening. For you it was complete and utter euphoria.

Walking out of the grocery store I saw your unassuming smile. With a nervous smile I placed my groceries in the car. Suddenly, I was subdued with a fist to my left jaw. I awoke with the taste of red liquid metal with an overwhelming pain in my jaw. I clinched my teeth because of insecurity and anxiety. Doing so only brought more anguish.

I tried to move but my hands were cuffed. I tried to kick but my legs were tethered with wire. I knew I was in the trunk of a car.I could hear music faintly playing. The words had an eerie sound, but music has always calmed me. I felt I was dreaming, but the car would hit potholes and wake me up to reality. I tasted my silent salty tears from the corner of my mouth. I was paralyzed with a the thoughts of what the future would hold. I wondered if my absence had alerted anyone yet.

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As I contemplated my fate I choked on the red dust as he sped down the lonely road to hell. My blood soaked clothes made worse by the night’s chill. In the darkness my trembling fingers searched for a sharp object for defense. I came up empty.

Within the blink of an eye the trunk slung open to the sounds of barking orders. Looking down the barrel while being thrown on the hard, unforgiving ground.

I’ve always been a keen observer of body language. I can tell more about someone by observing them for 5 minutes rather than talking to them for 5 hours. So my intense focus was all I had to save my life.

You wanted me to beg and scream in fear, and to cry in despair. However, that’s when I felt my life could be saved. I knew your need.

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You violated my womanly rights throughout the night.

You beat me leaving bruises immediately from each blow. You caused my ribs to shatter. It was hard to breath with each inhale and hurt worse with every exhale. Perhaps that helped me keep my composure. I had to preserve every bit of strength I had as I didn’t move.

Even with the fists that felt like a Mac truck I didn’t utter a sound. With every blow raging into my side I looked away, crumbling inside. I stared away without blinking to each click of the gun to my temple. I was trembling inside with pain and consumed with thoughts of what would happen if the gun went off. Perhaps praying it would.

Ungodly anger filled your fists and tone of your words. I knew it was coming to a head and death was close. I knew I couldn’t take anymore, neither could you.

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But I refused to give you my words, that’s all I had left. No one would rob them from me. They  are my bond.

As I lay dying on the blood-soaked ground. You told me to get up. With your soul consumed with anger you set the gun down. I knew my chance was staring at me. Trembling I rose up wiping my blood filled lips.

As you gave a final blow into my gut I went flying into the now dented car door. I whispered, “that’s all ya got?” Kicking my back with your steel toed boots, closing the distance to the gun.

With fumbling hands I grabbed the gun. My teeth chattering because death is near. I shot right past you as you stepped towards me. I demanded you to stop, because I have a conscious.

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You didn’t stop…

I was acquitted
It was justifiable homicide.
No one blames me for your death.
You are dead and gone.
However, I’m the one who lives in my own prison.
No matter the circumstance if you take the life of another human being.
It Fucks with your mind.

Sometimes you have to be your own Motherfucking Hero


A Lost Soul 

I listened to this song for 6 months straight ❤

Broken Angel(a)

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Long chestnut hair with curls that were complete

Big brown eyes and when she smiled it felt like a dream

Dimples so deep you’d get lost in them

Her beauty was the envy of all

She was the oldest of six kids, and I was youngest

She is someone who helped shape my mind and spirit

I remember as a little girl I would see her paint her nails

She held the most beautiful nails

They were always filed and painted

Always perfectly round with shine

I use to sit to the side of the couch and she mesmerized me with her gift

One of the most vivid memories is her walking down the hospital corridor and crying

My heart aching knowing she was broken that day

I felt my eyes filling up with tears

She had just endured a vicious rape and attack

The hospital making her feel violated again to collect evidence

To help capture and prosecute the devil on the run

Her hands were over her eyes not wanting people to discover her

 Perhaps she didn’t want to see the world

All I know is her nails weren’t the same as they were the day before

I had never seen her nails so short

No longer perfectly round

No longer smooth with color

They were jagged and broken

The way I knew she felt within

As well, the way I felt too


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Carisa

Written for

Angela

My sister and I share many challenges in our lives

She helped prepare me for struggles no one can prepare you for

She is my perfect Angel(a)

The man who raped my sister was a serial rapist

He was caught after being named one of our cities Most Wanted

Read more…

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