Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

Archive for the tag “personal”

Today I need an inhaler and a calculator!!!

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BUSY DAY!!!!!!

6 Living on Tulsa Time

 6 stair stepped siblings all in a row

 5 sisters and 1 brother in tow

4 resemble their dad 2 capture their mom

3 are impulsive 3 reserved and calm

2 love to write 4 love to read

1 married young,  5 more followed her lead





-Carisa Adrienne (Crissy) 

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Stalked to Stalker

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Since I was stalked by a stalker…

I memorize your face within a few moments of seeing you.
I recognize your cologne and whether it’s heavy, normal or faintly worn.
I observe you before I enter a surrounding to see what you’re doing.
I repeat your license plate number, color, type of car you drive.
I carry at least one weapon with me at all times.
I wear a baseball cap so I can pull it down low and blend in.
I read, watch and listen to experts talk about ways to escape an assault.
I analyze everything I hear you say to learn more about you.

Now it seems I’m the stalker   


Carisa Adrienne

This piece has been on my mind…. So I reposted it

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Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I’m finally becoming the woman you always knew I could be. I miss you more and more each day.

Love,
Me

 

Drive Me Home

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Spinning my wheels but going nowhere

Exhausted feeling broken beyond repair

Carrying burdens from years ago

Overpaying debts I didn’t owe

Trying to ease guilt I shouldn’t feel

Pleading for redemption to help me heal

Calibrate – Balance – Rectify me

Feeling brand new by turning the key


Carisa Adrienne

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Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn’t turn
Well it smells of cheap wine, cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn
I’m so alone and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin’ dreams
I think of death, it must be killin’ me

Hey, hey hey come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There’s got to be something better than
In the middle
But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

-The Wallflowers (partial lyrics)

Written by Jakob Dylan

Everyone Has a Body But Not Every Body Has a Soul

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I don’t want a beautiful chiseled face
But
Mesmerized by endless stunning grace

I don’t thirst for ferocious ecstasies to thrill
But
Hunger for compassion and good will

I don’t long for fingertips tracing flawless skin
But
Yearn for calming solace from within

I don’t drown in blue eyes deep as the oceans
But
Rise from bottomless humane emotions

Don’t let spellbinding desires be in control
Everyone has a body but not every body has a soul


 

Carisa Adrienne

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I experienced struggles at a young age. The three places a child should feel safe is home, school and church. Those places were my prisons. The people dressed in kindness didn’t have  souls to match. I never felt stable and safe. I didn’t find comfort through my eyes but through my heart.

The silver lining was my heart searched for beautiful souls.

I believe I’m able to love deeper and more sincere. My heart is able to pulsate along with beautiful souls.

I’ve been in love millions of times. When 9 /11 happened, I fell in love with every single soul. I didn’t see every image of heroism, but my heart-felt their compassion. I still carry those feelings inside.

I’ll never forget the courage of the firefighters. When people were racing down the stairs, they were running up. Knowing the danger inside the towers, but their souls carried them. Many did not survive, but their compassion lives on.

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I feel the same way about the valor of the military. My heart drums because of their courage and passion. They inspire me with their need to help others. Motivating me to help others too.

I’ve fallen in love with the beautiful souls on WordPress too. I’m moved to tears and smiles as I read your writings. I can feel the emotions you’re expressing deep within. I’m grateful for the beautiful writings shared. They have changed me in so many ways.

Thank you for inspiring me and helping me become a better person. Your heart beats along with mine. Reviving my body and breathing life into my soul when I’m struggling.

I’ve had a hectic few months and have missed so many posts. I will catch up very soon! Forgive me ❤

Much <3,
Carisa

(I can’t stop watching this gif)

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Always

 

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Sometimes I believe you Sometimes I don’t

Packing to leave but you know I won’t

Times you run ahead Times you fall behind

Today my friend – Tomorrow fucking with my mind

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Hating your truth Loving your lies

Pulling my lows Pushing my highs

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Sometimes this Sometimes that

Feeling like a lion purring like a cat

Staring into your eyes questioning what I see

Always and forever….just little ol’ me 


 

Carisa Adrienne



This song is on my daily playlist.

I believe I am my strongest rival at times.

I fight my inner self more than anything else.

I obsess about things I should never think twice about.

When I want something so much I tend to over think things and it hurts my strategy.

I realize the girl in the mirror and I want the same thing,

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Three Minutes

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Give me three minutes of your time
You could tenderly explain your crime
Perhaps I’d forgive your heart’s treason
Make me understand – Give me one reason

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Maybe your mind was stolen for a day or so
The winds blowing hard you had to let go
Wonder if remorse floods your heart
Waves of blood flowing back to the start

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Back to simpler times without doubt
No rooms filled with shame to clear out
Maybe if you’d cry just one tear for me
I could be unshackled and set free

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Carisa Adrienne

I wrote this at 4 am today.

My sister has been on my mind.

I wish I could stop loving her the way I do….

I Killed A Man

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You stalked me like a lion with precise steps, anticipating the kill. For me it was an innocent summer evening. For you it was complete and utter euphoria.

Walking out of the grocery store I saw your unassuming smile. With a nervous smile I placed my groceries in the car. Suddenly, I was subdued with a fist to my left jaw. I awoke with the taste of red liquid metal with an overwhelming pain in my jaw. I clinched my teeth because of insecurity and anxiety. Doing so only brought more anguish.

I tried to move but my hands were cuffed. I tried to kick but my legs were tethered with wire. I knew I was in the trunk of a car.I could hear music faintly playing. The words had an eerie sound, but music has always calmed me. I felt I was dreaming, but the car would hit potholes and wake me up to reality. I tasted my silent salty tears from the corner of my mouth. I was paralyzed with a the thoughts of what the future would hold. I wondered if my absence had alerted anyone yet.

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As I contemplated my fate I choked on the red dust as he sped down the lonely road to hell. My blood soaked clothes made worse by the night’s chill. In the darkness my trembling fingers searched for a sharp object for defense. I came up empty.

Within the blink of an eye the trunk slung open to the sounds of barking orders. Looking down the barrel while being thrown on the hard, unforgiving ground.

I’ve always been a keen observer of body language. I can tell more about someone by observing them for 5 minutes rather than talking to them for 5 hours. So my intense focus was all I had to save my life.

You wanted me to beg and scream in fear, and to cry in despair. However, that’s when I felt my life could be saved. I knew your need.

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You violated my womanly rights throughout the night.

You beat me leaving bruises immediately from each blow. You caused my ribs to shatter. It was hard to breath with each inhale and hurt worse with every exhale. Perhaps that helped me keep my composure. I had to preserve every bit of strength I had as I didn’t move.

Even with the fists that felt like a Mac truck I didn’t utter a sound. With every blow raging into my side I looked away, crumbling inside. I stared away without blinking to each click of the gun to my temple. I was trembling inside with pain and consumed with thoughts of what would happen if the gun went off. Perhaps praying it would.

Ungodly anger filled your fists and tone of your words. I knew it was coming to a head and death was close. I knew I couldn’t take anymore, neither could you.

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But I refused to give you my words, that’s all I had left. No one would rob them from me. They  are my bond.

As I lay dying on the blood-soaked ground. You told me to get up. With your soul consumed with anger you set the gun down. I knew my chance was staring at me. Trembling I rose up wiping my blood filled lips.

As you gave a final blow into my gut I went flying into the now dented car door. I whispered, “that’s all ya got?” Kicking my back with your steel toed boots, closing the distance to the gun.

With fumbling hands I grabbed the gun. My teeth chattering because death is near. I shot right past you as you stepped towards me. I demanded you to stop, because I have a conscious.

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You didn’t stop…

I was acquitted
It was justifiable homicide.
No one blames me for your death.
You are dead and gone.
However, I’m the one who lives in my own prison.
No matter the circumstance if you take the life of another human being.
It Fucks with your mind.

Sometimes you have to be your own Motherfucking Hero


A Lost Soul 

I listened to this song for 6 months straight ❤

Devouring My Essence (NSFW 18+ Only)

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My essence craves your lips along my skin
Shivers of excitement rise from within
Giving my curves the attention they seek
Fingertips tracing over my nipples peak Read more…

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