Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

Archive for the tag “murder”

I Killed A Man


You stalked me like a lion with precise steps, anticipating the kill. For me it was an innocent summer evening. For you it was complete and utter euphoria.

Walking out of the grocery store I saw your unassuming smile. With a nervous smile I placed my groceries in the car. Suddenly, I was subdued with a fist to my left jaw. I awoke with the taste of red liquid metal with an overwhelming pain in my jaw. I clinched my teeth because of insecurity and anxiety. Doing so only brought more anguish.

I tried to move but my hands were cuffed. I tried to kick but my legs were tethered with wire. I knew I was in the trunk of a car.I could hear music faintly playing. The words had an eerie sound, but music has always calmed me. I felt I was dreaming, but the car would hit potholes and wake me up to reality. I tasted my silent salty tears from the corner of my mouth. I was paralyzed with a the thoughts of what the future would hold. I wondered if my absence had alerted anyone yet.


As I contemplated my fate I choked on the red dust as he sped down the lonely road to hell. My blood soaked clothes made worse by the night’s chill. In the darkness my trembling fingers searched for a sharp object for defense. I came up empty.

Within the blink of an eye the trunk slung open to the sounds of barking orders. Looking down the barrel while being thrown on the hard, unforgiving ground.

I’ve always been a keen observer of body language. I can tell more about someone by observing them for 5 minutes rather than talking to them for 5 hours. So my intense focus was all I had to save my life.

You wanted me to beg and scream in fear, and to cry in despair. However, that’s when I felt my life could be saved. I knew your need.


You violated my womanly rights throughout the night.

You beat me leaving bruises immediately from each blow. You caused my ribs to shatter. It was hard to breath with each inhale and hurt worse with every exhale. Perhaps that helped me keep my composure. I had to preserve every bit of strength I had as I didn’t move.

Even with the fists that felt like a Mac truck I didn’t utter a sound. With every blow raging into my side I looked away, crumbling inside. I stared away without blinking to each click of the gun to my temple. I was trembling inside with pain and consumed with thoughts of what would happen if the gun went off. Perhaps praying it would.

Ungodly anger filled your fists and tone of your words. I knew it was coming to a head and death was close. I knew I couldn’t take anymore, neither could you.


But I refused to give you my words, that’s all I had left. No one would rob them from me. They  are my bond.

As I lay dying on the blood-soaked ground. You told me to get up. With your soul consumed with anger you set the gun down. I knew my chance was staring at me. Trembling I rose up wiping my blood filled lips.

As you gave a final blow into my gut I went flying into the now dented car door. I whispered, “that’s all ya got?” Kicking my back with your steel toed boots, closing the distance to the gun.

With fumbling hands I grabbed the gun. My teeth chattering because death is near. I shot right past you as you stepped towards me. I demanded you to stop, because I have a conscious.


You didn’t stop…

I was acquitted
It was justifiable homicide.
No one blames me for your death.
You are dead and gone.
However, I’m the one who lives in my own prison.
No matter the circumstance if you take the life of another human being.
It Fucks with your mind.

Sometimes you have to be your own Motherfucking Hero

A Lost Soul 

I listened to this song for 6 months straight ❤

Soulful or Soul Fool

giphy (6)

Watching the vultures up high circling round

Not knowing where my soul is bound

Forgiven by all my name they did acquit

Shamed with guilt never feeling deserving of it

Aware no angel will be accompanying me

My soul in limbo never to be set free

 Carisa Adrienne

The Comfort of the Massacre



giphy (17)

I penned my first poem when I was 7 years old. I found it a few years ago, stuck in-between pages in a book of my mothers. The paper tattered almost unrecognizable, but I knew the words by heart. I wrote about a morning that changed the course of my life. I was living with evil. Even so, that morning was when the outside world began to know my inside life.

I can still taste metal from the presence of blood. I see the butcher knives stabbed into the walls. I still envision the words written in blood. Yet, the most vivid memory was the song playing on the radio… Oh, how that song can make me shiver…

I always find silver linings in all my challenges. Several silver linings emerged from this battle. My brother survived and he is a true inspiration. I also discovered my love of writing. Pen and paper have been my constant ally.

Life is beautiful, even in the midst of tragedies.

Look between the lines, read between the words.

I’m impressed with my 7 year old self…


you walk in 

see your kin

dead on the floor 

when you open the door

you back up 

tears filling in a cup

seeing the knife 

that took your brother’s life 



I’m the little blonde girl ❤️

The song playing on the radio that morning, now is on my playlist.

I tend to take negatives and make positives: )

There is one verse that still gives me goosebumps..

Abracadabra, I’m wanna reach out and grab ya….

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