Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

To Both My Loves…



I knew you’d search for me.

You can stop searching now.

I never left you.

I’m the beat in your heart.

I’m the arms that embrace you.

I’m the gravity that grounds you

I’m the bones that help you fight.

I’m the skin that protects you.

I’m the sin that asks for forgiveness.

I’m the dreams that visit you.

I’m the eyes that fall in love.

I’m the heart that heals after broken.

I’m the ears that sees beyond beauty.

I’m the breath that is calm and deep.

I’m the mind that keeps you focused.

I’m the compassion you carry.

I’m the fool that comes alive.

I’m the lips that speek kindness.

I’m the intuition that keeps you safe.

I’m the tears that cleanses you.

I’m the music that never leaves you.

I’m the blood that runs through your soul.

I’m the feet that chase after your dreams.

I’m the fingers that grasp hope.

I’m the hands that create beauty.

I’m the scent that brings comfort.

I’m the knees that lock for challenges.

I’m the memories that love you.

I’m the link that connects you.

I’m the wings that carry you.

I am your Mother
-Mom  ❤️  8/15/2015

Words of Wisdom
Boys, Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. ❤️

Deep Breath…Deep Breath…

I created this blog for you both. I want you to have a piece of my soul. I know you are probably young men now….. Tears… And more tears….Big Deep Breath…….I am so proud of you both.💗💗

I was always told I’d never have children. I knew I’d go through hell to hold a piece of heaven. I’d do it all again without skipping a beat ❤️

On our way to school I would always recite your favorite words…

If I had the choice of all the billions of people in the world… I would always pick you!   ❤️Mom
Joshua’s songs….

Son, thank you for being my first love. The reason for so much happiness. The most amazing eyes and cheeks. ❤️

Walker’s songs…

And of course your video… Son this is my wish for you… You are so cute.. I have beautiful children.. So glad we made this video…. You and Joshua are my bliss ❤️

The song Clouds……
Listen, I know you both still know these lyrics. Play them often and listen for my voice. You will hear my words… My love…❤️

I know there are different versions but my favorite is when Matchbox 20 surprised the crowd with the song.

I know Walker will be searching for the regular version…. Love them both..


By-Zach Sobiech


I fell down, down, down

Into this dark and lonely hole

There was no one there to care about me anymore

And I needed a way to climb and grab a hold of the edge

You were sitting there holding a rope

And we’ll go up, up, up

But I’ll fly a little higher

Go up in the clouds because the view’s a little nicer

Up here my dear

It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now

When we get back on land

Well I’ll never get my chance

Be ready to live and it’ll be ripped right out of my hands

And maybe someday we’ll take a little ride

Go up, up, up and everything will be just fine

We’ll go up, up, up

But I’ll fly a little higher

Go up in the clouds because the view’s a little nicer

Up here my dear

It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now

If only I had a little bit more time

If only I had a little bit more time with you

We could go up, up, up

And take that little ride

We’ll sit there holding hands

And everything would be just right

And maybe someday I’ll see you again

We’ll float up in the clouds and we’ll never see the end

We’ll go up, up, up

But I’ll fly a little higher

Go up in the clouds because the view’s a little nicer

Up here my dear

It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now

I hope this site helps you to understand me a little more. I hope you will be able to understand yourself a little more too. ❤️


I hope to fill the pages for you both ❤️♥️

45 thoughts on “To Both My Loves…

  1. appreciate this

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rachel on said:

    tears!!! you are a precious mother. thanks for sharing this and the beautiful video. they are the reason, aren’t they? the reason we keep going, we keep fighting, we get so frustrated, we try to get better. i hope you know how much i appreciate your friendship and support. your heart is so big and so thoughtful. your boys are lucky lucky lucky.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s great to have children. My son arrived when I was 48. He’s my angel, and I know you are in good hands too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I got goose bumps reading this. So beautifully written, with so much love just leaping off the pages. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Walker’s Warrior’s video is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
    Is that you and Walker singing? He sounds like an angel. When your voice accompanies the tears begin to flow.
    He is so gifted. Did you write those lyrics?
    The whole thing is amazing.
    I am in love. Touched. And moved to lots of tears.
    I will listen again for I know nothing as precious as his singing. And yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suzanne,
      I had no idea you commeted. It didn’t show up in my notifications! I’m so sorry!
      Your comment hit me hard with emotion. It is so beautiful! ❤️

      The song is beautiful, isn’t it?!
      I wish I was talented enough to write it, but it isn’t written by me.

      It was written by a another mother who has a son and is fighting for her child’s life. The mother and son sang it together. It’s so beautiful.. One of my favorites
      Walker and I know the words by heart and we sing it together.. We just may not be as good them ; )

      Suzanne… Thank you again for this comment it means so much!

      I have Walker sleeping on my arm in my bed early this morning. He had a challenging night. So as I’m laying here feeling a little defeated… You’ve made me feel that passion a mother needs to continue to fight!

      Much love!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. thank you for sharing this!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I loved reading this, Keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. One day every tear will be wiped away. Some days it is only my son who can snap me out of a mood and remind me of my purpose. Children are such precious gifts. So innocent and beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautifully expressed emotions. Stunning words and a lovely song. So much love here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The V-Pub on said:

    This is so beautiful, Carisa. So very beautiful. 💗💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Beautiful. Thank God for our children. They have the ability to drive us nuts while being our anchor in this crazy life.


  12. naughtydaydreams on said:

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, post. Very moving.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Bridgette's Digits on said:

    SIMPLY beautiful! ~bridgette 💛

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Bridgette! You always make me feel like a million bucks ❤️
      If you’d like to know I’m moving my boys writings to their own blog. I felt it may not be respectful of them if I write about certain things with them on the same page. Maybe I’m being silly but I made one just for them. Only about 10 people know about it. If you’d like to follow there I would be honored. This is the addy for it It’s also under my same gravatar. Just thought I’d let you know ❤️. Hope you’re having a great Sunday!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh gosh…I don’t even know you Carisa and this made me emotional. That Sade song always gets me…
    This is so beautiful! What a special mom you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Janey ❤️. Your kind and genuine comment makes me emotional.
      I actually started this blog for my boys to find one day. However, I needed to write about other things to help cleanse my soul. 🙂 So I recently started a blog just for them. It’s new and no one knows about it. It’s at I know when my mother died when I was younger I wished I had her words echoing in my ears. It’s going on 16 years but everyday I think, what would mom do in this situation. ❤️. You’re words make me smile. Thank you. 🙂
      Btw.. I’m typing on my iPhone and I’m making so many typos. Forgive me! Ha!

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s a really sweet idea. They will really really appreciate that and they will always have something so authentic that represents who you really are to hold on to!
        I’m usually typing on my phone so I feel you haha!

        Liked by 1 person

  15. You devastated me with this one. God bless your Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  16. wwwpalfitness on said:

    I was glad to make you smile and am glad you made me cry. I can’t be speechless because that would not be me. I was diagnosed with many things and the worst Hodgkins while a D1 athlete nationally ranked and shortly after my mom with the deadliest Leukemia and she squandered the gift she was given. My grandparents took risks but lived full lives. Not getting the chance to be able to manage something that seems possible is heart breaking. I am also activity induced asthmatic and hypoglycemic. Which there is nothing anybody can do for it besides me knowing what to have around me. But a little kid. I knew we had something in common and could not put my finger on it between the loves and losses and smarty pants ways. We all have our bad things that happened. I wish you lived closer just to hug you. You seem great and in need of it though you speak silently. My writings sometimes get very dark. I will have to have a disclaimer on them I think. But Watching this put me in another way and I may have to write a second wiseass post to get out. I have a good one in me perhaps.


  17. You are an amazing soul Carisa.
    Now I know what a Mom is supposed to be like. You are the supreme definition.

    Blessings to you and your family

    Liked by 1 person

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