Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

My Own Two Hands

2

My hands holding baby Cole without a heartbeat
My hands swaying baby Emma, who’s in remission
My hands embracing baby Jaxon’s mom, fearing his diagnosis
My hands running baby Natalie’s lab with my eyes filled with tears
My hands fist pumping baby Dylan’s own tiny fists
My hands coloring with baby Noah, whose life will be short but sweet
My hands reprimand baby Jack’s dad for drinking and driving
My hands high-five Bailey’s hands for being accepted into Stanford
My hands, giving baby Carter immunizations to stay well
My hands praying baby Madison will stay awake as we run across the air bridge
My hands hitting the wall with anger because baby Madison passed on
My hands blowing kisses to baby Oliver, who says, “I lub you Cissy!”
My hands comfort baby Justice’s mom who was never granted it for herself
My hands holding Taylor’s mom’s hands after she took her life
My hands, wiping away my tears thinking of beautiful Taylor, who had it all
My hands bitten by baby Cruz who’s anxious about his lip being sutured up
My hands excited to hear about Sasha’s prom date – I used to call her baby Sasha too
My hands, humming with baby Axle’s head between my chin and chest
My hands, laughing at little Cash’s jokes he loves to tell
My hands coming unglued at baby Lilly’s dad because of her bruised little body
My hands couldn’t stop my mouth from screaming my despair at baby Lilly’s dad
My hands broken seeing baby Luca in a coffin  He tried to swim, but couldn’t
My hands learning handshakes from little Reese’s hands – We met when he was 7 days old now he is 7 years old
My hands have helped little lives grow into beautiful souls
My hands have helped beautiful souls peacefully pass on from this world
No matter what my hands are holding it’s done with limitless LOVE ❤️


Carisa Adrienne

The song My Own Two Hands  is an amazing song

 

 

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140 thoughts on “My Own Two Hands

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  1. Kitten on said:

    So very touching and beautiful. It gave me chills.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Carisa, you gave me goose bumps all over. That is so beautiful and poignant. And these touching pictures. It is a beautiful and difficult “job” but for sure one of the most fulfilling. You worked at a pediatritian, right? Is that what you experienced? 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Erika! ❤️ I worked in an office with our cities most sought after doctors. I was their nurse. Yes, I experienced these moments. It was the most fulfilling emotion I have ever felt, excluding being a mother. Many evenings I would leave broken wondering if I would be able to return. I always returned knowing I needed them more than they needed me.
      I did get extremely close to the patients. Most had my cell number. I knew every child’s name including their parents too. I would carry lollipops with me where I went because I would always have toddlers come up and hug my leg. 🙂 One of the best feelings.. I’d reach in my purse and hand a lollipop to them. I loved them like they were my own. ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

  3. mysecretme75 on said:

    This is so beautifully written. Your love shines through the words. The work you’ve done can only be done by those with a special calling and its some of the most important yet also hardest jobs to do. We’re called to love and care for each other yet it still seems the work of angels whenever anyone really does it to the extent you have.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m beyond humbled by your words. Makes my heart race a bit faster. ❤️ I loved them all as if they were my own. It was exhausting at times but it was always worthwhile. Parents need to feel love as much as the children do. When a new baby was worn I would always shake their little fingers introducing myself. Telling them we were going to have a long friendship. Children are our future. ❤️
      Thank you for your kind words. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Such loving hands, let me hold one for a while and thank you for all of those above…lovely x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Absolutely beautiful in a bittersweet way. I know what it is like being at the beside of people passing on although they were not children which you are to be commended for. I probably could do the work but I think the emotional side of me would suffer tremendously as children are our future and should not leave the earth plane at such an early life. I would certainly be angry with a deity for sure. Children should never be harmed. They are innocent and need our encouragement and praise. Yes Carisa I’m sure you go above and beyond duty in your profession. Big hugz for you. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re so generous with your kind words. Thank you! It doesn’t surprise me you’ve been there to help those in their time of need. It’s heartbreaking watching them suffer. I wrote a poem about that very situation. How everyone thinks the greatest give is to save someone’s life. I believe the gift of helping someone peacefully die is just as important. I had just said the same thing about how children are our future. It’s completely true. The stronger a child feels supported the more confidence they have. Thank you for making me feel so good. ❤️

      Like

  6. Trying to find the proper words to express the level of admiration, respect, and love I feel after reading this. You are absolutely amazing Carisa…such a beautiful, caring heart you have. To be able to deal with such difficult situations, with such compassion and love is truly inspiring. I hope you know how very special you are…without a doubt you’re an angel. As always…much love to you and yours ღ

    Liked by 2 people

    • Mark, you’re making me smile so big. Thank you for always making me feel like I can fly. 😉 ❤️ Many times I would have to walk to the stairwell and cry for 10 minutes before bringing the test result to the doctor. When Taylor took her life I was completely broken. Her mom would come up and eat lunch with me in the stairwell. She would just cry… So would I. That happened for 3 months straight. She’d always tell me how she just wanted to talk to some who loved her so much. I was always proud I was able to show her how much I loved her. Sending my love back to you as well! I know you feel every emotion I feel in this piece. ❤️✨🌟

      Like

  7. rachel on said:

    can’t.stop.crying. your heart is in your hands. love this. love you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Perso~in~Poesia and commented:

    Beauty and Pain
    This post, this poem hit me hard.
    Please do not like or comment on my blog…please go directly to Carisa and give her the love this poem and message deserves.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow, that’s beautiful and amazing

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This was an amazing post!!! I’m in healthcare too, and my heart breaks at times. I wouldn’t be able to work with the kids on a daily basis. It would slowly kill me. God bless you for being able to. Love Hack Johnson by the way. One of my faves. Saw him at Bonnaroo a few years ago. He’s so awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ohhhh my gosh. You are a nurse, right. That must be so emotionally trying at times. Especially at times like the ones you’ve cited above.
    Lovely Carisa.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We need to freaking clone you, so your hands can welcome all newborns to this world. This went straight to my heart. A touching write. I bow to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. And evermore did I believe that Angels do walk the Earth. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  14. This is so touching!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. what a beautiful post

    Liked by 1 person

  16. wwwpalfitness on said:

    Reblogged this on wwwpalfitness.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Very beautiful and look into your lovely heartxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  18. wafflemethis on said:

    This is a truly beautiful piece Carisa, you are an angel😇❤

    Liked by 1 person

  19. How Beautiful. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Reblogged this on days of stone and commented:

    I read a lot of wonderful writing – poems that amaze me, prose that moves me, thoughts that capture me…and every now and then a piece of writing comes along that stops me still in my tracks…
    For me, this is just such a piece. If it hits you as well, please visit Carisa’s site and leave your likes and comments there for her to read.
    https://carisaadrienne.com/2016/01/28/my-own-two-hands/

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Pingback: My Own Two Hands | days of stone

  22. You’ve blown me away, Carisa – the love, empathy, heartbreak and joy. I’m sorry to admit that I’ve never given much thought to the impact these things must have on our doctors and nurses…you’ve truly opened my eyes. If only everyone had such caring and nurturing hands waiting to catch them whenever they fall…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ryan! Oh my sweet Ryan! You have made me feel emotions that are indescribable over the past week. Your kindness knows no bounds. I’ve often seen doctors become calloused and are often described as being cold. I’ve learned over the years that is a coping mechanism for them. They weren’t always calloused or they wouldn’t have dedicated their life to helping others. However, their heart has been broken to many times. They’d never be able to do their jobs if they didn’t find a way to cope. Ryan, I’m truly humbled by all you words they make me feel so good! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  23. hooklineandinkwell on said:

    I love this. What a beautiful soul you are and what stories those hands have held. You capture the gamut of emotions in these lines…simply beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. What loving and holy hands you have, dear Carisa. Thank you for holding those who so desperately need to be held. This has touched me deeply. I will always hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and blessings, Natalie 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  25. This is beautiful, Carisa. Do you still work clinically as a nurse? I never worked in peds, but can imagine it has to be tough. Really, any area of nursing in the hospital these days is tough! I now work in health education – I miss the bedside sometimes, but love what I do. (I know I’m fortunate!) I try to include wellness messages in almost everything I write on my blog, but enjoy the self-expression it gives me as well. One of these days I’ll get my act together! LOL! I really enjoyed your post – have a good night! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Kelly! I’m moved by your kind words. I can tell you are in the health field by the way you carry so much compassion. It’s truly a beautiful thing! I no longer work in Peds. I miss it so much. It was such a fulfilling job. My husband is a Physician and we have a small practice.
      I’ve seem a few of your comments on Ryan’s site. I always smile when I read them because they are always filled with such love and support. You’re an amazing soul! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Aww – what a nice thing to say! I feel the same way about you – now you’re like a sister to me being a nurse and all! 🙂 That’s great about your practice. Wish you the very best with it!
        And I’m sure you agree with me on how talented our Aussie friend is! I always love to read Ryan’s work. I am looking forward to reading more of yours too! Thanks so much, Carisa, hope you have a lovely day! xo

        Liked by 1 person

  26. This is so tender and beautiful! You really are an angel! The absolute highs and lows of what you do. This really, really touched me. I don’t know that I would have the strength to deal with the painful side of your profession. Those little ones are in wonderful hands with you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Wow Carisa this made me feel deep emotions, It touched my heart. I love the way you described in every line I can feel through your words the amazing and heartfelt emotions you had with each child or person you touched mentioned in your poem. I am so glad that Ryan rebloged this. Thank you for this beautiful poem ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Too beautiful and too many flashing memories for me to comment any deeper. Love this and love you. I honor forever those who comforted my baby boy while I was kept from side with illness. 💋

    Liked by 1 person

    • My sweet Rita, I have no words to express my love for you. I wish I could come and hug you. Cry with you. Listen as you tell me about Sweet Jesse. I wouldn’t say a word… I would just listen. My heart is filled with such emotion thinking of you and him. My boys were 2 months early. It was difficult to say the least. I wrote a poem about them. (Also about my daughter)
      The last line pertains to you too.

      “I walked through hell to hold a piece of heaven.”
      The truth is I’d do it all over again. I know you would too. I can feel the love you carry for him. It’s so powerful.. It’s breathtaking.. It’s love. I know he can still feel it ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am overwhelmed with love today and you sparked it my darling friend. I am more than OK, I am healed and just bask in the memories now. It’s just a pilgrimage I choose to take with him each January to keep him close to me forever. You just really helped heal a guilt I never knew I carried for not being able to be with him the whole time. I’ve let that go now . . . so just more love is available for us. Thank you, sweet woman.

        Like

  29. I’m surprised that I can type, your words are so intensely, incredibly beautiful ad moving. Others from the community have been far more eloquent than I can be. Is it strange to almost wish my own wee ones had lived long enough to be comforted if not by my own hands then by the hands of such an empathetic soul? It’s a blessing to know that some did. K~xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Karin, I’m so humbled by your kind words. I don’t know if I can find the words to thank you for expressing such beautiful words. Thank you.. I’m very sorry you have lost a child. It’s an ache you can never shake. My heart is thinking of you. Sending you love and ((((hugs)))) ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Beautifully and emotionally, Carisa ❤ I cried a little when I read your masterpiece

    Liked by 1 person

  31. wow what a heartfelt, beautiful poem. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Chrissie on said:

    So beautiful. What an amazing woman you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Bless you . . . . and your hands. I read to kids terminally ill at a local childrens’ hospital. It is very sad when some just disappear.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. There are not enough words to express the gratitude for all the little hands and hearts you touched in your quest to help others through difficult times of childhood illnesses. You are truly an Angel inside and out, Milady. Your posting brings others like you who work truly behind the scenes into Reality and demonstrates that Angels do live among us, their wings just well hidden behind their glowing hearts and souls. Your posting reminded me to send thank yous to the other Angels who cared for my preemie Twins and calmed me during their 7+month stay while waiting on my Sis to awake from a coma. They broke all the rules to allow us to always be by her side night and day and became our home away from home and our Brothers and Sisters from different Mothers. Tears of joy accompany my thanks to you for this important and poignant emotionally charged words from your heart. May you continue to be blessed in your life and career. I do believe that no good deed goes unrewarded and you deserve every possible reward in this life and especially in the next. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul, Milady. Tnank you. ᕙ(💓▿💓) ᕙ(💓▿💓)ᕗ ᕙ(💓▿💓)ᕗ ᕙ(💓▿💓)ᕗ 👀 ♥ * ͜ * ♥ 👀 👀 ♥ * ͜ * ♥ 👀
    georgie

    Liked by 1 person

  35. I’m at a loss for words… I’m beyond humbled. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life and soul. I hope everything has returned to happy times with your twins and sister. I’ve had 2 boys who were both 2 months early. I know what it’s like to live at the hospital more than you live at home. It’s an exhausting feeling but nothing else matters but being by their side. Having 3 people in the hospital at the same time must have being surreal.
    You sound like a strong and supportive soul. They are lucky to have you! 🙂 thank you so much for your beautiful comment. I appreciate it so much! ❤️❤️✨🌟

    Like

  36. Michael on said:

    A woman’s hands…your hands… and conduit of life’s greatest gift. Your labor of love knows no end… for those able to feel it expressed…through your hands.💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awe, My sweet Michael! You’re making me blush! I’m humbled by your heartfelt comments. I’m a little embarrassed so many feel my hands are so powerful. I wish my hands were as powerful as the comments here. I’m no angel..❤️💞

      Like

  37. moonskittles on said:

    Spoken like a true nurse!! Beautiful and touching write. I know of the sacrifice that comes with each of these stories (both my dad and sister are doctors.
    God bless your heart Carisa!

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Oh wow! Your hands composed the words that squeezed my heart 3>

    Liked by 1 person

  39. so cool. love the gifs, pics, and writing. great looking…

    Liked by 2 people

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