Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

20 Jan 2016
167 Comments

The whole truth…..

I posted this post last week on accident. It was something I wrote 3 months ago in my drafts rather pen and paper. It was never meant to be seen. I deleted it immediately. I had many emails and comments asking where it went. I’m humbled by the kind words of everyone who encouraged me to post it. I decided to finish the piece and repost it.

My oldest son, Joshua, and I play a music game. When we are driving we take turns listening to each other’s playlists. He is nearly 15 years now and talking isn’t one of his favorite things. I believe listening to someone’s playlist might be one of the best ways to understand them.

I will play a song and vice versa. I can sense the emotion he is feeling and my hope is he can sense mine too. I feel humor, love and struggle when he plays his playlist.

Joshua has had a complicated life. I am so proud how he has handled taxing situations. His father (my ex-husband) and my older sister are now married. They have now been married for over ten years. They were together before he was born. Through my FBI skills (😉) I was able to figure out their web of illusion.

Shortly after Joshua was born I was living in a garage apartment. I had less material things than I ever had in my life, but never felt richer. I scrapped every penny I made to pay for half-baked legal representation. While his father and my sister both owned their own successful businesses. I would be lying if I said I was strong. I was actually very weak and insecure. At times I would cry myself to sleep next to him. However, waking up in the morning and stepping on a pacifier was the best feeling in the world.

Joshua gave me a drive and doing so I started to understand myself. I do feel guilty, because it wasn’t his duty to give me purpose. It was my responsibility to help Joshua recognize his purpose and shelter him from heartache. I don’t feel I did all that could be done.

I know when I am standing before God, and asked what my worst sin was. I will reply with, “Not sheltering Joshua from the heartache I was feeling.” I don’t expect the gates to open, and rightfully so.

I am the youngest of 6 children. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. We were closer than any family I knew. All of us talking everyday and socializing weekly. (Maybe that wasn’t such a good thing 😉) To moving to a little small town 20 minutes away. Cutting off all contact from my sisters who emotionally supported my side of the situation.

I felt if I couldn’t trust my closest sister, then who could I trust!? I was a young mother who was completely broken. My heart-broken because of Danielle… Not my ex-husband. To this day I’ve searched for the words to describe my despair.. But I’ve never found them. I don’t believe they  exist…..

I would ascend at 5 am and drop Joshua off at daycare. Work in Pediatrics 10-12 hours. Rush to pick him up. Get the jogging stroller out and run for miles. Next, it was time for home. Then, it all started all over again. Repeat.. Repeat.

I know I wasn’t the mother he needed during that time. I struggled with the treason of my sister more than anything. It was a sea of darkness on many occasions. Joshua was swimming in it too….

I did the best I knew possible. I know I failed miserably at times. Probably because I am not a perfect person. I learned more about myself in that year than I ever knew. I learned a human can go further than they ever thought.

My ex-husband and sister have always wanted me out of the picture. I recall my ex husband’s words one night on a phone call, “Carisa, we waited until you got pregnant because we knew Danielle couldn’t have kids. Joshua is the closet thing she’ll have.”

My mind couldn’t grasp the words he was saying. I calmly walked outside and was sick….Over and over and over.

She always wanted her own child and he wanted material things. He once told me he would be able to have us both. From the moment I realized the truth I never looked at him the same. It’s not as easy to stop loving my sister. She continues to dig her knife into my back. I suppose I’m guilty too, because I’m standing close enough to let her.

I claim full responsibility how I dealt with the actions of them. I’ve never done one drug my life. I’ve never been drunk. I’m not saying those words for admiration, but to convey how I was completely filled with rules. I bottled it all in and doing so I wasn’t the mother Joshua needed.

I don’t judge the lives of others. I know I wouldn’t want someone to judge mine. We all are given burdens to carry. Some are heavier than others. Even though this burden was not my heaviest.. I know it could be worse.

I recognize it was a roller coaster dealing with the episodes of dropping Joshua off and picking him up. I felt like I wanted to scream. I’m met with grief thinking of my sweet baby boy dealing with it all.

I sent notes in the diaper bag asking her to please give him his medicine at his times. To remind her of things they needed to know. I never talked to her personally for 6 years straight. I didn’t feel I would be able to recover from it.

The only silver lining to this might be…. when he wasn’t with me, hopefully, he was with someone who loved him as their own blood.

I always reminded myself, I love him more than I hate what they have done…

I hope I was able to show him unconditional love. I know the worst feeling for him is picking which parent to please. His father and I have different parenting views. I’ve learned to sometimes decide for him and let him feel the weights been lifted from him.

As long as I know he is safe. I will bow out of certain situations so he doesn’t have to feel he is choosing. Many may not understand my reasoning, and that’s okay. I know my reasoning… it’s for my boy.

Even though I’m walking away smiling. However, I can’t make it to the car before breaking down. It’s a far better feeling than thinking of him crying in the night because he felt he let one of us down. I hope he understands and appreciates my unconditional love. The feeling of even though he didn’t pick me at times, it doesn’t change how much I love him.

The last song he played was the Scientist by Coldplay.

I never liked the song until he played it several times in a row. While turning up the volume he just stared out the window. We were having a challenging time prior to this. Today I can barely listen to the very first words without my eyes burning and tears flowing.

It’s been on repeat for days now.

Unknown fact about us, we share the same birthday. He was due December 24th and came October 24th. What a fighter I’m honored to call my son. ❤️

“The Scientist”

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you areI had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apartTell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let’s go back to the startRunning in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a science apartNobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hardOh, take me back to the startI was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apartQuestions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heartTell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the startRunning in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start

Oh [x4]

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  1. The Bioman on said:

    What’s new, Sugarcu-be?

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. williamleeone on said:

    I think that you and your son are friggin heroes ! The world is crazy enough to deal with growing up and neither you or your son had much of a “normal” start. Kudos to you both for hanging on to what will always be;Mother and Son ! ; )

    Liked by 4 people

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  3. Carisa Adrienne on said:

    William… Do you know I think I love you! 🙂 I’m humbled by your sweetness. Your words make my heart dance. Thank you ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

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  4. My Pirate Chambers on said:

    It warms my heart to see this post again.

    Liked by 3 people

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  5. thelonelyauthorblog on said:

    One of the best posts that I have ever read. I am certain it was not easy to post. You are so brave. If I admired you before, you have now moved to pedestal category. A single mother overcoming the hurdles presented to you is amazing. Others would have turned to drugs or alcohol. Sorry, to hear the betrayals of your past, an unfaithful husband can be easily forgotten, but a sibling – that is tragic. Joshua has great taste in music. I am sure all of the beauty he has comes directly from you. And if you made the mistake of letting your boy see your pain, the pearl gates will still be open for you.

    Liked by 4 people

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  6. el Zaphod on said:

    Carisa, you sound like you had it hard and you did, but the biggest thing that bugs has to do with your belief / faith, where you said something about sin….
    My dear Carisa you are human and you did beyond what was demanded of you. You should not worry about being judge at all !!!!
    You are human and seem to give yourself super human standards.
    To me if I believed in sin that would be your only one, you punishment for that one would be a weekend long stay at a spa massaged 12 hours a day !
    No , well yes … anyways . In my thought and feeling about life is it is an experience and you learn and grow through its challenges and yes it also means dealing with other people, and especially with your son. The bond you two have will be like no other. It is special not just because it is yours but compared to others. You have nothing to be ashamed of and if I could i would turn your ear red scolding you…. with the best of intention of course.
    You should be proud

    Liked by 3 people

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  7. thespiritkeepers on said:

    Your post is so full of passion for your son and so much honesty on your part. Yes you have struggled but the sounds of it you landed on your own two feet. Don’t beat yourself up that you weren’t there for your son. He could have had a worse upbringing…something to keep in mind when you want to beat yourself up…..or you can lay your head on my big shoulders. With the betrayal of your husband and your sister well is it such a sin not to forgive them….I think not…what they have to live in in the eyes of your family is punishment for the rest of their lives. It will be in everyone of your family’s mind every time they see them together what they did. So baby cakes Chillax…..I think your son will come around. He just might be a quiet kid like I was and just remember a child’s bond to the mother is far greater than it is with the father. You did good something to wear proudly on your soul. If I knew how do hearts on a regular computer I would paste this page with them.

    Liked by 4 people

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  8. Rob Taylor on said:

    I too wondered about the post. The very revealing words can be difficult to throw out in the open. Courage….

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Rob.. When I saw this comment my heart smiled too. Thank you for saying things I needed to hear. After I accidentally posted it and realized it.. I was beside myself last week. Your kind words make it all worthwhile. I respect you so much. I always love seeing your new posts. Thank you for commenting about wondering about it too. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

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  9. Ryan Stone on said:

    You. Are. Amazing.
    There is no force in the world as strong as a mother’s love. Your son will learn many important lessons about being a man based on his perception of women – and what a role model you are, Carisa.
    I’m still processing this post – you have my complete respect and admiration for your courage.
    I take my hat off to you, lioness.

    Liked by 5 people

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  10. Lynz Real Cooking on said:

    You are human and did your best. I went through something similar and I fell apart or I feel like I did! We are human and I hope my kids saw that I stood back up and kept going and tried to be my best and that is what they learned I hope! xxx

    Liked by 4 people

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  11. MummasTruths on said:

    Wow this was really moving and I have no doubt reading this that you were and are the mother that your son needed. You were dealt a shitty hand and dealt with it the best you could, I commend you for that. Be proud of yourself.
    Have always been touched by that Coldplay song, it too means something special to me and I think sharing your playlists is an amazing way to ‘talk without talking’ as such.
    Lovely read and brave blog. X

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      I’m humbled by your words and support. I’m grateful for you taking the time to read and leave such a touching comment. My heart feels lighter reading all the encouraging comments. I love the song…
      You’re a music fan too. I love listening to others playlists. It’s so telling… Thank you for again for the kind words. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

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  12. R.H. (Rusty) Foerger on said:

    Really astonishing. Your ex, your older sister, the sense of entitlement to your son for your sister’s sake? You have experienced more betrayal than I can imagine. I see your readers (and I) are heaping praise on your writing and your honesty, but it is your courage and strength that I can only compare to my widow mother who raised 6 kids. Sorry for all the adulation, but I think you don’t know how amazing your post is. All your readers are telling you that.

    Liked by 4 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      My goodness all the kindness and support in this comment is amazing. Thank you! Thank you :). You used the perfect word regarding my brokenness over my sister. The word “entitlement” for my son. I can tell your mother is a strong and loving women. You speak of her the way I hope one day my boys will speak of me. With honor and respect. I can tell she did an amazing job raising you. I can’t imagine raising 6 children by myself. She has my admiration. She truly sounds superhuman. My mind is working overtime thinking about how much she loved her children. I’m so happy you commented, Rusty. You’ve made me feel very good. Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  13. Eric on said:

    You are a beautiful soul.
    You are a beautiful person.
    You are a beautiful woman.
    You are a courageous superhero.
    I love you, Carisa. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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  14. stacilys on said:

    Carisa, I feel sad for you. What a difficult and trying situation. You are a super hero girl. Really and truly. You have made yourself vulnerable and shared something so very personal and, no doubt painful. It has produced a real strength. Wow.
    💕💕💕

    Liked by 4 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Thank you, Staci ❤️ Life has so many things that are difficult for everyone. I know you’ve had struggles in your life too. I do know time does ease the pain at times. Patience is the hardest thing for me. It was one of my greatest lessons with the situation. I still am not as patient as I should be 😉..: but I’m better than I use to be. It made me feel so vulnerable to repost it. However, if I don’t feel vulnerable at times… Perhaps, I’m not being as honest as I should be. I’m so fortunate to have you as someone who lets me know it’s ok. Thank you so much. I adore you so much, Staci. ❤️

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      • stacilys on said:

        Awwwww, I love that you made yourself vulnerable. That’s where honesty shines through. I still think you’re a superhero. I don’t know how I would have handled such a difficult and delicate situation.
        I hear you on the patience end. I’m better than I used to be too, however I still have a long way to go.
        Much love and hugs to you sweetie.
        🙂 ❤

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  15. nataliescarberry on said:

    Good for you! I’m so glad you went ahead and posted this. Hugs, N 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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  16. Jarrod C on said:

    Carisa, I was really taken aback reading about your situation. I understand that sense of treason. You have a lot to hold your head high about. I am sure you made mistakes. We all do. Life doesn’t come with instructions or a blue print. But you did the best you could, you grew from your mistakes, and you never quit – on yourself or your son. And that takes a lot of courage. I am proud of you for that.

    Family just means you are related to someone, that’s all. As your situation shows, and I can also attest to, it doesn’t mean anything else. People do what they want and they are selfish. This is a difficult situation for your son and I am glad he has a loving caring mother who will be there to provide guidance and companionship as he matures. Know you are setting a good example for him.

    I wish you both the best. Thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring.

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Awe, Jarrod, I’m so inspired by your words to me. I feel your support and love. Thank you! You said so many things I’ve thought about… “Family just means you’re resorted.” I’ve never heard that… It’s very powerful. I’m so moved and filled with strength comment. You’ve made an impact on me. Thank you so much. ❤️

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      • Jarrod C on said:

        You are very welcome Carisa. You misquoted me though. What I actually said is “Family just means you are related to someone, that’s all.”

        What I mean by that is that sometimes people feel like they can treat family members poorly with the mindset of “they are family and will forgive,” If we are family, we should have higher expectations and look out for one another – not have lower ones. Some of my closest friends are my family as they have always been there for me.

        Keep your head held high. I am proud of you.

        Liked by 1 person

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  17. Dorinda Duclos on said:

    You’d be “Mom of the Year” in my book! Your story speaks of your courage and determination, not only for your son, but for you! Thank you for sharing with us. It is a beautiful mother and child story. ❤️

    Liked by 4 people

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  18. Michael on said:

    Sweet Carisa, what an incredible story you have shared. I can’t even imagine how painful this journey has been. It is even more amazing that you are still so full of love and hope. It radiates from your spirit. I have no doubt that you have been a wonderful mother and the gates will open for you. ❤ You have been strong to endure and provide loving support for your boys…easing their pain when and where you can. You didn’t create this situation and are doing the best you can…the best anyone can…to love. You are a beautiful soul! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Awe… My sweet, Michael, I loved seeing you in my notifications. ❤️ I read your comment several times.. Over and over.
      It brought me to tears… Truly it did…
      This was written months ago… before the new year and before you shared your story with me. I think about your story so much and it gives me strength. I feel a bond with you. I know you feel my pain and emotions. Thank you again… ❤️😉
      Hope all is well with you! I’m glad we’ve connected.

      Liked by 2 people

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  19. Geetha B on said:

    Carisa, you might have heard about Solomon’s test which determined who was the real mother of the baby. Love is always stronger than anything else and what binds you to your son goes beyond physical interactions. This is a time for letting go and it is good that you were able to publish this again. I wanted to share with you this video and tell you that the heart that loves does not know bitterness. We are not our past experiences but the hope and love that shine through us. May those dark moments of your past leave your mind and may your heart and soul only be filled with the memories of that unconditional love. Let it overflow, encompass all. Forgiveness is the only way to your own freedom. Be well sweet Carissa

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Thank you, Geetha ❤️. I know the story of Solomon’s son..: it’s one of my favorite bible stories. :). Thank you for sharing the video too. It’s so powerful.. I’ve never seen it before. It made me tear up. Beautiful song too. Thank you for reassuring me about the past and the future. Always do the best you can do.. Do it with love and it will shine through. I always love reading your comments. You’re filled with love and support. Thank you, Geetha ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Geetha B on said:

        Welcome Carisa. You’re filled with Love and support yourself don’t you think 🙂 ? I am glad you liked the video and not surprised you like that bible story. Be well my friend 🙂

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  20. Erika Kind on said:

    Dear Carisa, first of all it is amazing how much love radiates from your post. 💖
    I understand that you believe you were not the mother your son needed. You must have felt totally lost and left alone in the dark. But when you look back of what you went through all by yourself, it is amazing what a fantastic mother you have been. A lot was out of your hands and the whole situation was not caused by you. But you were the one who had to deal with it. As I wrote to you already, you can only give your best and you did that every day. And this best in the end will be what makes your son a strong man. He will understand.
    You worked all day, dealt with the hardest heartbreak, enabled a living for you and your son. Others break down and give up. As I told you in the email, you did not lay down and resigned or gave up on life. You stood up, dusted you off and went on. That is, what shows real strength. You did not back off, no, you faced life.
    I believe that nothing happens just so and also that you “accidentially” published your draft needed to be. You are ready to open the doors and kiss that demon goodbye. It might not be completely done with the post. But that is the beginning of liberating yourself from what others did wrong and what you punished you yourself with for years. You also see in the comments how much everybody feels with you. Perhaps you don’t feel it yet, but you can be proud of yourself how far you have come against all odds! You are an amazing and powerful woman and I cannot repeat that often enough. I have the highest respect for you, Carisa! Feel strongly hugged, dear 💖💖💖

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Oh my sweet Erika, thank you for the genuine comment filled with so much love. You were the first one to ask about my post. Thank you for being so compassionate. I truly needed your words at the time you sent them. I can’t thank you enough. ❤️ I’m always able to forgive others…. I’ve forgiven my sister and ex-husband years ago. However, I’ve never forgiven myself for the struggles I battled. You writing and expressing such compassion was overwhelming for me… Led me to tears. Thank you, Thank you!
      I know we all fall at some point in our lives… Everyone will have their cross to bear… We can only do the best we can. I hope my son will be able to appreciate my unconditional love. I know teens may not truly understand what the definition of it. My hopes are I was able to tell him but more importantly I showed him.
      I’m indebted to you for the way you showed your support. My love is sent to you forever and always. ❤️❤️✨🌟

      Liked by 3 people

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      • Erika Kind on said:

        Carisa, that was so hearfelt and touching again. I know that nonofy who doesn’t stand in your shoes is able to know how you felt/are feeling and what you went through. But only what I felt through your words already touched me so deeply. I saw a wonderful soul doing her best to keep her chin above the water and holding her baby high in order to get not wet. This woman blaming herself for choking on the water she swallowed brought tears to my eyes.

        Action says more than words. Your son will definitely see what you did and achieved. The way you acted is undeniable. That is what he will understand once he has to care more for himself or even for a family.

        You know I appreciate you very much for the thoughtful, compassionate, and courageous person you are and for what you helped me. I feel honored that I may be the friend of such wonderful and exemplary woman! Much much love to you and that is meant forever too 💖💖💖

        Liked by 1 person

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  21. J.T.O'Sullivan on said:

    Carisa.

    I have been quite busy until late this morning and I have been saving your post for a day I could truly read it. Then it was no where to be found ha. I am glad I found this post on your website to understand your trials and tribulations.

    For your son, you should be proud. He not only has the fight in him to endure a parental breakup; he also has the exact taste in music as myself. Kudos for that.

    For you Carisa, you are the standing testimony to how hard life can be. How harsh the world can affect us, but, more importantly, how hard we can hit back. Look how far you have come.

    You are beautiful mind, body and soul Carisa and you have a beautiful family. No matter how hard things become, how much life has to throw at you; you will always have your family. And there’s a certain power in that, that we as people take for granted so often.

    My heart goes out to you Carisa.

    If there were a poem 100,000 words long, I would write it in an instant if it were able to take away your burdens. Until that time, I’ll just be here. Your Joshua across the globe.

    Faithfully,

    Joshua

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Joshua, I don’t ever think you can leave a comment better than you have before… You always prove me wrong. This comment has made me feel so strong and proud of who I am. I can’t thank you enough. You used the words trials and tribulations… I always use those words too. I know we all experience different ones. I know those words are usually taken from the bible. That’s where I first learned of the phrase. I’ve always tried to think of struggles as “court trials” and the sentence we may have to endure. There is always (mostly😉 but I haven’t killed anyone) a limit on them. Once the trial is over you’re freed. I tend to never forgive or free myself of the time. I’m not saying I feel I was sentenced or being punished during this. I feel if the trial is over… I shouldn’t continue to feel Carry all the guilt. Ive always used that analogy to help friends during their trials and tribulations but I haven’t been able to accept it. 🙂 I hope I conveyed my thinking about it. (Haha) My favorite part of your comment was offering a 100,000 word poem. If you wrote it… It would be the most beautiful poem ever written. ❤️. Also, your last line.. My Joshua from around the globe. I’m so glad you feel the love and respect I carry for you.
      Thank you X 100,000 times. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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  22. motherinlondon on said:

    My dear friend, although we live millions of miles apart I knew from the day we met you were someone I could get along with. You are such a brave wonderful soul and an amazing mother. You have a gorgeous son and that is all that matters. Thank you so much for sharing you life with us all. Love you always ❤️😘

    Liked by 3 people

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  23. sirensong1208 on said:

    You are a beautiful person, inside and out. So brave. I can’t even imagine the struggles, the pain. You brought tears to my eyes as I read your post. You have a beautiful relationship with your son, he has learned from you all the best lessons. Many hugs to you Lovely. Thank you for sharing. xo

    Liked by 2 people

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  24. Hector on said:

    The only thing that always shines through in your posts is the love you carry for your children. Your sacrifices were (are) meant for them and guilt has no place in that relationship. You are a wonderful mother.

    Liked by 3 people

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  25. Sydney Carton on said:

    Dear Carisa, it is well that you posted this. For you and for us who want to be a friend. The depth of your passion for your son offers me hope. In sharing your story, you have given hope to many. I feel myself energized by your devotion and bravery.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Sydney, you’re the one who has energized my soul. Thank you! Your kind words are so moving and motivating for me. I’m so grateful for your friendship. I’m honored with all your comment. Sending you love ❤️

      Like

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  26. mopana on said:

    Wow! That’s so ugly. Not only treason, but knife into the back. I know what despair is and I know you will be fine. Keep smiling, Carisa! For you and for Joshua. I am here for you with my little heart to sustain you. Be strong! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  27. Blue Sky on said:

    This is heartbreaking! There is nothing that hurts worse than being betrayed by your own family member. This is a double betrayal. And what a nightmare for you and your son! My heart goes out to you!

    Liked by 2 people

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  28. Rita on said:

    I love you! I love the mother you are. I love the strong woman you are. I love the choice to carry on you made. I love that you were and ARE stronger than the betrayals we face in this life. You’ve chosen to live a life of love that conquers. And here we are back to HEROES again; this time for me it is YOU ❤

    PS – You were and ARE exactly the mother the boy needed/needs as only God knew and knows.

    I wait for a day when I can hug you so very tight!

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. lifeconfusions on said:

    Ooooh Carisa….there are very few things I’ve read in my life that have made me cry and this, was one of them. My heart hurts but at the same time it swells up in pride seeing you as a strong mother you have been to your son despite of all the tough times.. Do not, do not for a moment think that you haven’t done your best, because you have. Absolutely and utterly, with all your heart; I can sense, you have given it your all.And that is what matters.

    And that song after reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I could somehow imagine how it reflected the sentiments from both sides.
    This has truly touched me deeply Carsia and I hope you give yourself a pat on the back because if anyone deserves it, it is you ! ❤

    Wish there was a way to somehow magically reach out to you and give you a big warm hug ❤ I hope you know you are loved, immensely and dearly ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Zeeeeeeeee….. I have several comments I need to respond to of yours… I’ve put them off because I have so much I want to say However, it seems I keep pushing them further back. 😉 Anytime you tell me how something I wrote moves you to tears… Your words move me to tears. You and I have a bond that reaches around the world. ❤️. How… Do you know the exact words I’ve been yearning for. Zee… You are able to comfort me the way you do because you know struggle too. I know your struggles are beyond anything I’ve endured. Your heart is so big and filled with compassion. I’m so grateful for our friendship. I hope you realize what you mean to me. Thank you ❤️. I love that song more and more. We have never not loved one of our posts songs. ❤️❤️

      Like

      Reply ↓
  30. Garfield Hug on said:

    Carisa, I am so sorry to read this. It is just so difficult for you. You have done well my friend. Look at you today. You are doing good and your son loves you and you both have a good mother son relationship. I am sad your sister could do that. Great you had FBI skills. Gosh. Your sister is not nice at all. Happy days are ahead for you and looking back only makes you stronger. Garfield hugz ❤💙💚💛

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Awe… You’re making my heart feel deep red. Thank you… I appreciate your words. I love all your wonderful words. ❤️❤️ Yes…my FBI skills tricked them into revealing it all.. Truly, I’m not gifted at anything but My FBI skills are beyond believable. I notice everything… Hehe.. Maybe I should write how I did it 😉
      Hehe.. I’m so happy you are here today. Makes me so happy! 😉❤️

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      Reply ↓
  31. Paul on said:

    Such a wonderful song!

    Liked by 1 person

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  32. Pingback: Weekly Review | Erika Kind

  33. olganm on said:

    Thanks for such an inspiring post. Keep just being amazing. And the best to your son too.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  34. Ritu on said:

    Hi, I popped over at Erika’s behest, and I’m so glad I did. What a touching, heartfelt, open and hobest post! You, my friend, are a hero indeed for getting through what must have been the toughest tines in your life. I’m sure your son has grown to be strong, resilient, and will have a different attitude to women too, because he has you to look up to.
    (((Hugs))) Thank you for letting us in 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  37. IreneDesign2011 on said:

    This is really an amazing and beautiful post Carisa. What you have survivied made you stronger and your son has a beautiful soul to learn by.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  38. bloggeray on said:

    Oh this is such a wonderful and uplifting post. I feel lucky to have stumbled onto your blog. Truth be told, this should be featured on freshly pressed, although the WordPress admin don’t do that anymore.
    It is tough being a single mother as it is, and to have to feel your own sister betraying you like that is just awfully cruel. You deserve salutes and kudos for not giving up and keeping the fight going in the face of such insurmountable odds.
    You are a source of hope for everyone.
    Salutes!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  39. Dr. Suesszues-Zen on said:

    Never lose the part that suffers, it is the same part that rejoices when the suffering has passed. Doing this, you son will see it, whether he can tell you or not. From what I can see, you are doing a splendid job of, this….

    I wish you well Carisa. -J

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      You’re so kind. Since time has passed I’ve come to appreciate the lesson. I do believe you can’t rejoice in the glorious times if there aren’t any hardships. That’s the silver lining I suppose. Thank you so much for kind words and support. I’m so very grateful. ❤️✨🌟

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓
  40. wafflemethis on said:

    This post is one of the most touching I have ever read Carisa.
    You are fucking amazing don’t ever let anyone tell you different❤

    Liked by 1 person

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