Sometimes Silver Linings are Blue

Sorry Not Sorry

12 Jan 2016
39 Comments

Brigade of Lionesses

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I was the newest mom in the support group.
I was different from the others.
I have-not only experienced a child with the disease, but I held it too.
Sitting with the moms in their heels and skirts while we sip tea.
We all drove Cadillacs, Beamers, or Benzes.
Society viewed us as having it all.
We have all the money we need and more.
Yet, we can’t buy our children’s health.
As each mother smiles and talks about rainbows and gum drops.
Their eyes could not deceive me.
I watched for weeks how they imagined they were fooling us all.
As they would speak how life was still perfect.
But… We all experienced the truth.
I would smurk and empathize hearing their lies.
On the third week my mouth opened without my command and
I uttered the words, ” You’re fucking lying!”
All their eyes were upon me in an instance
Usually the one sitting and observing,
I’m so uncomfortable with hurting someone’s feelings.
Nonetheless, I did not apologize.
I addressed how I knew they are lying to each of us, but more importantly to themselves.
I know the guilt they carry because I carry it too.
It awakens us in the night to check if our children are still breathing.
It ravages all emotions and leaves us with phony smiles.
When one of us loses a child, we all fall to our knees.
It leaves us filled with shame because we are grateful it wasn’t our child.
My raw emotion and honesty could not be tamed.
Gasping for air, I knew why I couldn’t obtain it.
Each of the others were doing the same –
We all were needing revived.
And we all blew into each other’s soul,
we were each other’s cure.
Suddenly, feeling understood and a long needed embrace,
we no longer needed to always be strong.
We had a place where there were no judgements.
We could feel stable in a world filled with pandemonium.
As I continued to speak one by one, their eyes started to weep.
For once not feeling alone in a room full of people

Carisa Adrienne

9/26/2015

 

 

 

Viewed as so fragile but stronger than most………. 

“Titanium”

You shout it out,
But I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud not saying much
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

[Chorus:]
I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium

Cut me down
But it’s you who’ll have further to fall
Ghost town, haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I’m talking loud not saying much

[Chorus:]
I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium

Stone-hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass

[Chorus:]
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
I am titanium

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39 thoughts on “Brigade of Lionesses”

  1. Mari on said:

    Your honesty is fucking brilliant “fucking liars” thank you for sharing these moments with us.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply ↓
  2. Christian Marc on said:

    Titanium is one of my faves.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  3. Lynz Real Cooking on said:

    Wow this is full of honesty and power!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply ↓
  4. The V-Pub on said:

    I had to read it and read it again, Carisa. I tried to put myself in that room, being equal to everyone else there, and I felt the humility and helplessness of being human. I found myself questioning my values and what is really means to be truly rich. You are indeed a lioness.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply ↓
    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Thank you for the sweet endearing words, Rob. The most helpless feeling in the world is not being able to fix your child.
      All the money in the world can’t buy someone’s health. So many take their Health for granted. Thank you so much for much needed.. Badass lioness feeling ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply ↓
  5. rachel on said:

    oh mama! what a gift…to be real. really hurt, really scared, really honest, really supported. brava my amazing friend! brava!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  6. Weird and Wonderful on said:

    This is how I feel.. this is what I needed!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  7. matt on said:

    Your honesty allowed the other women to finally be honest and allow them to actually help each other. I think most of us put up defenses by default, and it sometimes takes one person with the courage to call everyone out and set the example. This is a wonderful story, though I know it represents a lot of pain, but thank you for sharing it. It really encourages me to check for when I may be putting up a veil of insincere OK-ness.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
    • Carisa Adrienne on said:

      Matt, your words make me feel so strong.
      Thank you!!!
      I tend to show my vulnerability often.
      It’s not always welcomed with such grace.
      And often it is something I wish I didn’t do. However, I could read their eyes. They were talking to me more than their mouths were. I understood them completely. ❤️
      Thank you for your words of strength.
      I’m so glad it touched you so!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓
  8. Malaika on said:

    Such an honest and heartfelt post Carisa! Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  9. Mark Ryan on said:

    I like the honesty. I like the anger, though feel society expects it to be filtered. All parts are important, even those that to sit well in a group of others. All parts, all the time: that’s acceptance.
    (I like Mary J Blige’s version of Titanium…gives it an added layer of soemething)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  10. Hector on said:

    Seems we are good at talking with two voices but only one is heard and the other remains inside. Takes courage to say it loud, to scream the truth. Very courageous. Love the song

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  11. jaiminder on said:

    Words coming at the moment are very close to us and bring out the right meaning if shared then and there to others. “We don’t need to look strong” I agree!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

  12. Pingback: What Inspired Me This Week – Edition 36 | Matt Hollingsworth

  13. livedinitaly on said:

    The voice of truth which comes from the pain of experience. If only we could be openly honest with everyone without caring how we feel or how they will feel. If only they could see our honesty as being helpful, not hateful or hurtful. I tip my hat to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  14. livedinitaly on said:

    Reblogged this on Livedinitaly's Blog and commented:

    Cold honest beauty!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓
  15. sirensong1208 on said:

    _This_was amazing! I am in awe. Truly. What you wrote, true but more than that..what was said. It takes bravery to address something like that head on. To say what no one else has the courage to say. Kudos to you.

    Like

    Reply ↓

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