I was the newest mom in the support group.
I was different from the others.
I have-not only experienced a child with the disease, but I held it too.
Sitting with the moms in their heels and skirts while we sip tea.
We all drove Cadillacs, Beamers, or Benzes.
Society viewed us as having it all.
We have all the money we need and more.
Yet, we can’t buy our children’s health.
As each mother smiles and talks about rainbows and gum drops.
Their eyes could not deceive me.
I watched for weeks how they imagined they were fooling us all.
As they would speak how life was still perfect.
But… We all experienced the truth.
I would smurk and empathize hearing their lies.
On the third week my mouth opened without my command and
I uttered the words, ” You’re fucking lying!”
All their eyes were upon me in an instance
Usually the one sitting and observing,
I’m so uncomfortable with hurting someone’s feelings.
Nonetheless, I did not apologize.
I addressed how I knew they are lying to each of us, but more importantly to themselves.
I know the guilt they carry because I carry it too.
It awakens us in the night to check if our children are still breathing.
It ravages all emotions and leaves us with phony smiles.
When one of us loses a child, we all fall to our knees.
It leaves us filled with shame because we are grateful it wasn’t our child.
My raw emotion and honesty could not be tamed.
Gasping for air, I knew why I couldn’t obtain it.
Each of the others were doing the same –
We all were needing revived.
And we all blew into each other’s soul,
we were each other’s cure.
Suddenly, feeling understood and a long needed embrace,
we no longer needed to always be strong.
We had a place where there were no judgements.
We could feel stable in a world filled with pandemonium.
As I continued to speak one by one, their eyes started to weep.
For once not feeling alone in a room full of people
Carisa Adrienne
9/26/2015
Viewed as so fragile but stronger than most……….
“Titanium”
You shout it out,
But I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud not saying much
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
[Chorus:]
I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
Cut me down
But it’s you who’ll have further to fall
Ghost town, haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I’m talking loud not saying much
[Chorus:]
I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium
Stone-hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass
[Chorus:]
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
39 thoughts on “Brigade of Lionesses”
Mari
Your honesty is fucking brilliant “fucking liars” thank you for sharing these moments with us.
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Carisa Adrienne
Mari,
You always bring my confidence a little higher. All your comments have helped me in ways I can’t express…
I’m humbled beyond words…
I think about you so much ❤️
LikeLiked by 2 people
Mari
Cozy feeling to feel understood eh? Absolutely, anything we can do as humans goes a long way. If you don’t have my email here it is. Msanchezcayuso@gmail.com don’t think is on this site. Dump me a line whenever 🙂
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Carisa Adrienne
It’s such a bittersweet feeling…
You feel Much needed security… But broken someone else knows exactly how you feel ❤️
I know you can relate.. (((Hugs)))
Thank you for the email: )
Be expecting a package of thoughts soon!
❤️❤️😉
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Christian Marc
Titanium is one of my faves.
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Carisa Adrienne
I knew you were cool like that : )
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Lynz Real Cooking
Wow this is full of honesty and power!
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Carisa Adrienne
I’m so glad I was able to convey it that way. Reading your words makes me happy you were able to feel the incredible feelings I felt. ❤️
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The V-Pub
I had to read it and read it again, Carisa. I tried to put myself in that room, being equal to everyone else there, and I felt the humility and helplessness of being human. I found myself questioning my values and what is really means to be truly rich. You are indeed a lioness.
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Carisa Adrienne
Thank you for the sweet endearing words, Rob. The most helpless feeling in the world is not being able to fix your child.
All the money in the world can’t buy someone’s health. So many take their Health for granted. Thank you so much for much needed.. Badass lioness feeling ❤️
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rachel
oh mama! what a gift…to be real. really hurt, really scared, really honest, really supported. brava my amazing friend! brava!
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Carisa Adrienne
Always a silver lining to everything, right : )
You find an incredible bond sometimes ❤️
Thank you for the sweetest words : )
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Weird and Wonderful
This is how I feel.. this is what I needed!
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Carisa Adrienne
Ahhh.. Thank you for the sweet inspiring words you bestowed upon me. I’m so grateful! I’m so glad you were able to feel inspired by it. We gotta stick together ❤️
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Weird and Wonderful
Absolutely 🙂
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matt
Your honesty allowed the other women to finally be honest and allow them to actually help each other. I think most of us put up defenses by default, and it sometimes takes one person with the courage to call everyone out and set the example. This is a wonderful story, though I know it represents a lot of pain, but thank you for sharing it. It really encourages me to check for when I may be putting up a veil of insincere OK-ness.
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Carisa Adrienne
Matt, your words make me feel so strong.
Thank you!!!
I tend to show my vulnerability often.
It’s not always welcomed with such grace.
And often it is something I wish I didn’t do. However, I could read their eyes. They were talking to me more than their mouths were. I understood them completely. ❤️
Thank you for your words of strength.
I’m so glad it touched you so!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Malaika
Such an honest and heartfelt post Carisa! Thank you for sharing this!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Carisa Adrienne
Thank you, Makaika! Your words and continued support of writing and being a mom is so needed! ❤️
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Malaika
You’re most welcome Carisa! 🙂
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Mark Ryan
I like the honesty. I like the anger, though feel society expects it to be filtered. All parts are important, even those that to sit well in a group of others. All parts, all the time: that’s acceptance.
(I like Mary J Blige’s version of Titanium…gives it an added layer of soemething)
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Carisa Adrienne
Thank you for your honesty : )
Honesty is so hard at times… But so needed…
The truth can hurt us…But honesty can set us free! ❤️
I will listen to the Mary J version!
I bet it’s going to make me smile: )
I’ll let you know; )
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Carisa Adrienne
Ok.. After my last comment to you here..
I was going to listen to Mary J’s added voice.
Let me thank you for making me search it out on YouTube!
I’ve added to my playlist and will be listening to it while I jam being a mom today! 🎼thank you ❤️🎼
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Mark Ryan
Raise your voice 🙂
All the best
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Hector
Seems we are good at talking with two voices but only one is heard and the other remains inside. Takes courage to say it loud, to scream the truth. Very courageous. Love the song
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Carisa Adrienne
Thank you so much! Your compliment is much needed ❤️
Your words are so true.. We do have 2 voices… One speaks and one thinks..
But rarely do they at the same time.
You’ve made me smile today. Thank you!
Yes! The song is beautiful ❤️
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Hector
A day with a smile is always a good day 🙂
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jaiminder
Words coming at the moment are very close to us and bring out the right meaning if shared then and there to others. “We don’t need to look strong” I agree!!
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Carisa Adrienne
No words can express my gratitude. Thank you for making me feel appreciated. You are so kind. : )
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livedinitaly
The voice of truth which comes from the pain of experience. If only we could be openly honest with everyone without caring how we feel or how they will feel. If only they could see our honesty as being helpful, not hateful or hurtful. I tip my hat to you.
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Carisa Adrienne
I’m humbled. Thank you so much. I think we want everyone to think we’re doing well…. Or don’t want to bother other people. However, others may need it more than we do ourselves. <3. Thank you again.
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livedinitaly
Reblogged this on Livedinitaly's Blog and commented:
Cold honest beauty!
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Carisa Adrienne
Thank you so much! I’m am extremely humbled. ❤
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sirensong1208
_This_was amazing! I am in awe. Truly. What you wrote, true but more than that..what was said. It takes bravery to address something like that head on. To say what no one else has the courage to say. Kudos to you.
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Carisa Adrienne
I am so humbled. Thank you.. I admire and respect you immensely. As mothers we do things we might not do if it wasn’t about our children. Thank you again
🙂
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sirensong1208
My pleasure Lovely, I call it as I see it. Smiles. Thank you for your sweet words. So very honoured.
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Love
BELLI!
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Carisa Adrienne
You’re so very kind!! Thank you! ❤
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